Saturday, March 14, 2009

Hardest Day Yet

*** Day Six ***

One thing that I noticed as a serious side effect of quitting smoking.  The total lack of ability to focus!!!!  I think this day is one of the worst, simply because I am stagnant.  There is nothing I seem to be able to do to keep my mind occupied.  I can’t focus on any one thing for more than a very short period of time. 

I am still holding on though, and struggling through.  As Alison said, perhaps today I should go hour by hour today.  So far I have made it past the Day six mark.  I’m staying as positive as I can, and keeping the course.  I have no idea where this will power is coming from, but it’s here, and I think it’s here to stay.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Connecting With Long Lost Family Members Through Facebook and other Social Networks

    Day 5 Totally Smoke Free 

Everyone knows that I talk with Pony on Facebook.  Well I got a surprise today, I received a friend request  with the attached message

“Hey Eric this is your Cousin Dana”  

I was shocked to say the least, and accepted the friend request immediately. 

My goodness, I have not talked with my Cuz for a very long time, more years than I care to count.  I keep thinking that if I could just get all my family on line in one location, we could at least keep in touch easier.  I’m looking forward to having regular conversations with her, and getting caught up on all the family gossip. 


Yes, you read the top right.  It’s been five whole days, and not a single cigarette.  This is a major record for me.  The longest I have ever stopped for, without cheating, has been two days.  It’s still pretty hard, I am constantly fighting the urges for a cigarette.  Some how I have gotten a more solid grip on things this time around.  I have no idea where my will power is coming from, but I think it’s all of you. 

Thursday, March 12, 2009

H.R. 45, An Outright Assault on the Second Amendment

   Day 4, smoke free! 
The new bill introduced to the House, H.R. 45 The Blair Holt Firearm Licensing and Record of Sale Act 2009, is being put through the government process to be made into law.     I think everyone should read the bill, see what it’s all about, and make their own decisions.  Here are a few links to information about this bill.

Summary of the proposed bill  

Full Text of the proposed bill

What I understand to be the gist of this proposed bill, is it will require licensing of all gun owners.  Requiring gun owners to submit to mental and physical evaluations.  The authorities will  have the right to enter your home to examine how you store your weapons.  There are many other threats to the second amendment that will come with this bill.  I am not in favor, hell I’m totally against this bill. 

It’s a far more restrictive firearms control bill than ever proposed before.   For instance, it would outlaw handguns and any rifle with a clip.   I have friends who have hunting rifles that have a four round “clip” that would suddenly be illegal.  A clip is any magazine that can be removed from a weapon.  The clip holds the ammunition for the weapon. 

You all know I am not a big political nut, but this smells like an outright assault on the second amendment to me.  So if you are a hunter, as I am, and own a firearm, I suggest you read this bill and then make your voice heard. 

Personally I hope H.R. 45 Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sales Act of 2009 get’s SHOT down quickly and with finality.  

On to better news, today is day 4 of nicotine free life for me.  I’m still positive, and doing pretty good.  I have started the phase where I’m coughing up all that crap caused by smoking.  I hope that ends soon,  it is not very pleasant.

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Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Progress, One Day at a Time

    3 Day’s smoke free, woo hoo! 

I’m celebrating with a single beer tonight, no more than that.  Mainly because I don’t trust myself with more than one, LOL.  I think I deserve a beer though, it’s been tough, stressful, and pretty much a miserable 3 days.  I am looking to the future though, and that keeps me course with a good compass heading.

Surprisingly enough, at least to me, everyone that is pulling for me is helping a lot.  I know it sounds strange, but the fact that if I let myself down, I would then have to fess up to all of you, is one of the factors that keeps me on track.  Every time  I tried to stop before, I never announced it to anyone but close family.  This time I announced my intention to quit smoking to the entire world.  What a difference that makes,  some real incentive to keep at it.

Today was pretty mild, but I seemed to have more nervous energy.  There was also a few more rationalizations for cheating.  I didn’t though, I stuck to my guns, and I am going to keep sticking with it.  I can’t let myself cheat, not even a little.  I think I would be more embarrassed about that, if it happened, than anything else I can think of right now.

I can’t wait for  the mental aspect of this to end.  I know I can beat the physical, all I have to do is keep busy.  What really bothers me more than anything right now, is my scattered mental state.  I know I’ll get my head back on straight before too long, but dam, it is so hard, not being able to concentrate for more than 10 minutes.

After this week, I might just start joining Kel, and getting up an hour early to get some exercise in.  It’s been a long time since I had a good run, let alone did any calisthenics and stretches. I keep thinking that it would help me get through the rest of the process too.  For now though, I can only go day by day, and keep faith in myself.

Thanks to everyone for the support, I can’t believe how many people are pulling for me!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Thank Goodness for Sunflower Seeds!

2 days, without a single cigarette!!!! Woo Hoo!  I tell you this is one of the hardest things I have done in a long time.  My thoughts are scattered to the four winds, and I am unable to concentrate for long periods of time.  I know however, that I can and will do this. 

One of the few things that keeps pestering me more than anything is my unconscious habit of reaching for the pocket I kept my cigarettes in.   It’s almost like I need the security of something in that dam pocket.  So I stated carrying chewing gum in that pocket.  You would be amazed at how much that little tiny detail seems to comfort my thoughts. 

I am also eating everything in sight.  If it’s not nailed down, it’s fair game as food or snack.  Yesterday, I ate three packages of sunflower seeds, two bowls of soup four sandwiches, three hotdogs, two bags of potato chips, a whole lot of venison jerky, and six oranges.  That’s not even counting my regular breakfast lunch and dinner.  Thank god I have a high metabolism.

I just need to figure out how to settle my thoughts, and think along a straight line again.

Monday, March 9, 2009

One Day Out of the Way!

I have quit smoking.  I’m going to be positive about this and continue the attitude that “I have quit”.  I’ve said before that I was planning this, but there was always an excuse to put it off.  One excuse after another, always a reason not to follow through.  Well NO MORE, I have made my mind up, and decided I’m going to do what dad could not.

One of my regular reliable excuses was that Blinda smoked, and it would be too hard for me to quit while she was smoking.  Well, guess what?  You got it, we made this decision together, and we are both quitting.  She is actually dealing with it better than I am.  We are using the patch to help us out, and relieve some of the cravings.  It does help with the chemical part of this ridiculous dependency. 

The part I have trouble with is my unconscious habit of reaching for my cigarettes, especially when I’m driving.  The only thing I can attribute it to, is a muscle memory habit.  I have not really had a serious craving for a cigarette, but I have been edgy, unable to sit still, pacing back and forth, basically just hyperactive.  Luckily I had plenty of work to do today, and was able to keep myself occupied.  So if you notice my posts kind of rambling every once in a while, You know why.

I will be adding a little something at the top of each post from now on.  I plan to celebrate each day as an individual success.  So I will have a number of days smoke free statement at the top of each future post.  This is going to be a one day at a time thing, and I can’t bring myself to look at it any other way yet. 

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Thank You

Worries of thought and clutter

pushing myself too hard.

Your comments settle me

add structure and focus

raise my spirit, lift my thoughts.


The challenge is mine

assigned by desire.

A wish to improve

to overcome faults.


What I fail to see

you clarify for me

My failures prod and push

you calm and reassure

Seeing in me what I fail to see.


Thank you for the support

the friendship and caring

Comments that lift and energize.

Your Comments mean more than you  know.


I can’t put this any other way, the poem was what I thought right away after reading comments from yesterdays post.   I know it’s not polished, but it is what I feel right now, this moment, and I felt like putting it out there for you to see.  That way perhaps you can see just how much you all mean to me. 


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